When children misplace their lunch, find themselves unable to solve a math problem, or are at a loss as to how to reach a destination, a parent's instinct may be to intervene without delay.

Yet occasionally, such a predicament constitutes an opportunity.

Developmental experts and educators say children need chances to struggle with everyday problems because figuring them out is a skill that has to be practiced.

The challenge for parents is knowing when to help and when to step back.

There is a difference between helping children through difficult situations and removing the problem before they have a chance to try.

At a time when an answer or AI-generated help can be seconds away, giving children room to figure things out for themselves can be hard to do.

What independence looks like hinges on a child’s age, abilities, and circumstances, yet experts contend that it entails learning to plan, make decisions, solve problems, recover from mistakes and determine what to do next.

Here’s how experts say parents can afford children greater opportunities to practise those skills.

This article constitutes part of AP’s Be Well coverage, which is dedicated to wellness, fitness, diet and mental health.

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Children now enjoy unprecedented access to information, while technology has afforded parents an array of means by which to monitor their kids’ lives.

They can track their children’s whereabouts, view grades in real time, and email teachers instantaneously.

Consequently, parents are able to intervene before their children have had any opportunity to recognize that a problem exists, let alone devise a solution.

There exists, however, a drawback to that very convenience, according to Dr. Dana Suskind, a professor of surgery and pediatrics at the University of Chicago and the author of the book “Human Raised.”

"I think the most important thing we can give children is not the answer, but the experience of figuring it out," Suskind said.

When parents swoop in, she said, children are deprived of opportunities to practice skills like pausing before acting, remembering what worked previously, and trying new solutions.

Dr. Stephanie Carlson, director of the Institute of Child Development at the University of Minnesota, said that if children rarely have to struggle, it can lead to severe anxiety when they have to figure out something on their own.

When genuine peril arises, parents ought to intervene, yet when the stakes are comparatively low, they can afford to pause and deliberate on the problem together.

That might entail posing open-ended questions to children: What do you think?

What could happen?

How could you solve this?

What else could you try?

Permitting children to experience boredom, frustration, impatience or nervousness can actually foster their learning and better equip them for adulthood, according to experts.

Boredom can facilitate creativity and play while helping children build confidence and resilience, said Kiryn Hoffman, CEO of the National Children’s Museum in Washington, D.C.

In “10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World,” psychologist Dr. Jean Twenge writes that children and teens have fewer opportunities than previous generations to spend time with friends, get around on their own and make decisions outside the watchful gaze of adults.

By their senior year of high school, fewer teens have a driver’s license, go on dates or work paid jobs than in previous generations, she writes.

Parents don’t have to manufacture situations for children to navigate.

Routine tasks naturally provide children with opportunities to practice agency, experts say.

Nicole Knoth, a mother of two teenage girls in Flagstaff, Arizona, began presenting her daughters with minor decisions to make while they were still young.

At the age of 5, for instance, she would hand them $5 at a store and have them work out what they could afford, factoring in tax and discounts.

Now, as teenagers, they do the grocery shopping, and her eldest is managing her own credit card.

Jemia Cunningham-Elder, a mother of four daughters in Chicago, discovered that there is no prescribed age at which children should be expected to undertake something independently.

She assesses what each child is capable of managing, then grants them a modicum more autonomy and observes the outcome.

If they succeed, they gain greater independence.

If they struggle, she considers whether it was a valuable learning experience or a sign that they weren't ready yet.

That approach also acknowledges something crucial: independence does not entail doing everything on one's own.

Children who recognize that they are unable to solve a math problem and consequently seek assistance from the teacher are likewise cultivating independence.

The same applies to children who forget their assignments and determine how to locate the necessary information on their own, rather than relying on their parents to contact their teachers.

No single approach is universally applicable; parents must weigh considerations of safety, maturity and circumstance.

Caroline Chirichella, a 37-year-old mother residing in the Campania region of southern Italy, had been endeavouring to afford her 8-year-old daughter, Lucia, greater autonomy.

However, she was reluctant to permit her to spend time outdoors with friends unaccompanied, owing to apprehensions regarding traffic in the street.

There exist additional circumstances in which the stakes are considerably diminished.

Chirichella recounted that she and her husband had eventually ceased contacting other parents or teachers whenever Lucia neglected to record an assignment.

She told her daughter: “Your homework is your responsibility.”

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